


When I was away

by SuperMazeWolf



Series: When I found you [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Blood and Torture, Brainwashed Tony Stark, Brainwashing gone wrong, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Humor, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra Tony Stark, Learning to trust, Lost Memories, M/M, Repressed Memories, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, True Love, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, angst and hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:11:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7184759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperMazeWolf/pseuds/SuperMazeWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Anthony Edward Stark's been in the hands of HYDRA since he can remember, and has been assigned to The Winter Soldier since he can recall. The Winter Soldier was always fond of Anthony.]</p><p>After the events that led to Anthony's problem, HYDRA's back, up and running. </p><p>James is determined to cure Anthony, and learns to trust again through the help of an old friend which initially he had shut down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Age 44

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back to my domain.

Age 44

 _"Mr. Barnes, you must let Doctor Banner through or we'll never heal Mr. Stark properly, and I need you to follow me. I have conditions you need to keep, and Captain America here will guide you through it." Guilty eyes stared at James but he just shrugged, eyes still narrowed and shoulders tense. "He wants you to go on private missions with me if you want to stay in this facility with Mr. Stark," Steve Rogers explained quietly, "He's planning on making a team, too. To expand the missions. Avengers, apparently." That actually made James chuckle, and the blond-haired man looked at him with curiosity. "Do you even remember me?" "Kind of," James said gruffly, "That's all I'm gonna say. The hell does Fury want at this moment, though?"_

_-_

_James knocked on the door and entered, a worried expression on his face. "Is he alright?" He asked, hurrying over to Doctor Banner's side when Anthony shifted and rolled over._

_"He can leave this room," Banner explained with a patient smile, "He's recovering quite nicely. Aside from mental intrusion, he's healing well. I still can't locate the exact problem, nor can I find out what caused the memory and eyesight loss, but he's responding to my questions now."  
James let out a relieved sigh and gratefully thanked Banner._

_There was still something in the back of his head, though.  
Still no memories._

\- 

.. / -.-. .- -. / .... . .- .-. / -.-- --- ..- / - .... .. -. -.- .. -. --.  
_I can hear you thinking._

James blinked and looked down as he stroked Anthony's cheek, a small smile on his face. "Oh?" He asked, running a hand through the fluffy, brown locks of hair. Anthony nodded and reached up, his fingers wandering until it reached James' face. 

.-- .... .- - / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / - .... .. -. -.- .. -. --. / .- -... --- ..- -  
_What are you thinking about?_

James let out a small sigh and circled Anthony's cheekbone with his metal thumb, closed his eyes and leaned back. "About you. About... About, ya' know, your memories an' things that you can't remember. And, well, Fury told me that I need to go on missions they assign me with if I want to stay here with ya' and somethin' about Steve Rogers is familiar the more I see 'em. It's like I knew him or somethin', but I can't point it out, ya' know?  
Anthony shifted his head and nodded, his hand dropping back down. Now it went to his own eyes, rubbing it with a small frown. 

.-- .... -.-- / -.-. .- -. - / .. / ... . .  
_Why can't I see?_

"This team, I think ya' know them, HYDRA, they did somethin' to ya' that we don't know about. You were taken for a while, ya' know, and then HYDRA just kinda let ya' go or somethin'. It's like they wanted me to find ya' like the way you were, like they wanted me to suffer knowin' that ya' wouldn't be able to remember or see. I dunno." Anthony nodded again and moved his body closer to James, his head getting into a more comfortable position on his lap. 

.. / .-. . -- . -- -... . .-. / - .... . -- / - . .-.. .-.. .. -. --. / -- . / - .... .- - / .. - / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / -. . ...- . .-. / -... . / --- ...- . .-.  
_I remember them telling me that it would never be over._

James momentarily froze, eyes on the hazy, honey brown eyes staring blankly at the wall. "4 years ago, you know," James murmured, leaning down to peck Anthony's cheek, "4 years does a lot, huh? Now I'm here going on missions with a guy who was supposedly my childhood best friend, and there's an asshole who's in charge of a to-be team who he calls the fuckin' Avengers." Anthony silently chuckled, his shoulders bouncing up and down in an uncoordinated rhythm, and James let himself smile. 

.. / .-. . -- . -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / - .... .. -. --. / .- -... --- ..- - / -.-- --- ..- / .- -. -.. / .. - / .-- .- ... / - .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / -.. .. -.. -. - / .-.. .- ..- --. .... / - .... .- - / -- ..- -.-. .... / .. - ... / -. .. -.-. . / - --- / .... . .- .-. / -.-- --- ..- / .-.. .- ..- --. ....  
_I remember one thing about you and it was that you didn't laugh that much. It's nice to hear you laugh._

James felt a lump in his throat, but he didn't pay attention to it, only led Anthony's hand up to his face and let him wander. "Anthony, when do you think you'll be able to talk, doll?" He whispered, "I miss it."  
Anthony brushed a thumb under James' eyes and silently sighed sadly. 

.. / .-- .- -. - / - --- / .... --- -. . -.-- / .--. .-.. . .- ... . / -.. --- -. - / -.-. .-. -.--  
_I want to honey, please don't cry._

Oh, he was crying. 

James smiled weakly and curled over Anthony protectively, placed his forehead on Anthony's and shook his head a bit. "I'll get to ya' somehow, doll. I'll get to ya'." 

\- 

He couldn't tell them. If he did, he would die. They would die. No one had to die if he kept it hidden. The men wouldn't allow it anyway, they had control. They could kill him at any moment.  
I'm sorry.  
Sorry.  
_You need to tell him._

Can't.


	2. Age 45

Age 45

Don't accuse me.  
_You need to tell him, he can help you. They can help you._  
Don't accuse me.

_Please let me out. You know. The men can't do anything to you now, let me out._  
No.  
_I miss him, you fucker, just let me out once. I'll let you come back, I swear. I know you love him._  
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. You're gonna kill me.  
_I won't._  
HYDRA's gonna kill you if I let you out.  
_I don't care, dumb ass. Let me out._  
No.

_Come on, come on, COME ON. You know you're me, just this once listen to yourself._  
I wasn't the best at that to begin with. Why should I start now? Besides, they'll kill him.  
_No, no they won't. See, he's right there. Open your eyes. He's not gonna die, let me out._

-

James awoke from a sharp jab to his side, and his eyes snapped open. With a small groan, he rolled around and clasped Anthony's flailing hand with a small frown, pulled him closer and sighed deeply as he buried his nose into locks of hair. "Anthony," he murmured, opening his eyes when Anthony let out a quiet whimper, "Wake up, doll. It's okay."  
Blank, honey eyes opened and stared, and James leaned in and kissed him gently. "Are you okay?" 

.. / -.-. .- -. -  
_I can't._

James furrowed his eyebrows and frowned, soothingly smoothing Anthony's hair back while letting him scoot closer. "What’s wrong, Anthony?" 

.. / -.-. .- -. - / .. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- / .. / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. -. - / .. / -.-. .- -. - / .. / -. . . -.. / - --- / - . .-.. .-.. / -.-- --- ..- / -... ..- -  
_I can't, I'm sorry, I shouldn't, I can't, I need to tell you but-_

Anthony shook his head abruptly and buried his face in the crook of James' neck, his body shaking with silent sobs. "Anthony, what do you need to tell me?" James asked quietly, rubbing his back in small circles, "Tell me." 

.. - ... / -. . ...- . .-. / --- ...- . .-. / .--- .- -- . ... / .. - ... / -. . ...- . .-. / --- ...- . .-. / - .... . -.-- / - --- .-.. -.. / -- . / -. --- - / - --- / - . .-.. .-.. / -.-- --- ..- / - .... . -.-- / ... .- .. -.. / - .... .- - / - .... . -.-- / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.-- --- ..- / -... ..- - / .. / .-- .- -. - / - --- / --. . - / --- ..- - / .... . .-.. .--. / -- .  
_It's never over, James, it's never over. They told me not to tell you, they said that they would kill you, but I want to get out, help me._

James scrambled up and hauled Anthony up with him, embraced him tightly and reassuringly while humming calmly. "Love, it's okay. It's gonna be fine, honey, it's gonna be okay. We’re here, I'm not gonna die. Do you remember everything, darling? Tell me." 

Anthony's shaking fingers tapped frantically on James' back. 

.. - ... / .- .-.. .-.. / .--- ..- -- -... .-.. . -.. / ..- .--. / .. / -.. --- -. - / -.- -. --- .-- / .. / .-. . -- . -- -... . .-. / - .... .. -. --. ... / -... ..- - / .. / -.. --- -. - / -.- -. --- .-- / .. ..-. / - .... . -.-- / .- .-. . / -- -.-- / -- . -- --- .-. .. . ... / .... . ... / ... - .. .-.. .-.. / .. -. / -- . / -... ..- - / .. / -.-. .- -. - / .-.. . - / .... .. -- / -.-. --- -- . / --- ..- - / .. / -.-. .- -. -  
_It's all jumbled up, I don't know. I remember things but I don’t know if they are my memories. He's still in me but I can't let him come out, I can't._

"Who, doll, who can't you let out?" James murmured breathlessly, "Honey-" He was interrupted with a low whine of fear, and Anthony latched onto him even tighter with a small jerk of his head. "Anthony, what's wrong? Hey, hey," James grunted and shifted his legs when the other man shook his head frantically and kicked at nothing. "No, no, no," he whispered, and James heard a hysterical sob coming out of the silent man and he grit his teeth. "No, no, no, no." 

"Anthony, no what?"  
"Can't. No. No. No." 

The alarm started to blare, and Anthony crumpled over as James hoisted him off of the bed and started to run.


	3. Age 46

Age 46 

The building they had been in was run over with HYDRA, and James had taken Anthony to another state in general, into a small inn. Anthony was not getting better. Only more vocal, but nothing good. 

James brushed Anthony's hair away from his face with a small frown.  
Then the door slammed open, and James jumped, surprised that he didn't hear the intrusion but immediately forced a stony expression on his face. "Rogers," he acknowledged gruffly, pulling Anthony closer to him when he let out a soft sound of fear. "It's okay," he whispered into Anthony's ears, "Calm down." He saw Rogers in the corner of his eyes inching towards them and James snapped his head up.  
"How did you find us?" James questioned quietly, rubbing his metal thumb onto Anthony's cheek to settle him. 

Rogers looked almost guilty, and James wanted to scoff. 

"S.H.I.E.L.D had me put a tracking device in your arm," Rogers started, "I didn't have a choice." 

Anthony squirmed and breathed sharply, put a hand on James' face with a silent jumble of words. "Anthony," James said, concerned, "What's wrong?" The man shook his head and shut his hazy eyes.  
"Go away," Anthony wheezed out with a raspy voice, "Gone, gone, gone, go."  
"Anthony, he won't hurt us."  
"Go, go, go. No. No."  
Rogers seemed as confused as James was feeling at the moment. 

"Hail," Anthony said suddenly, voice growing louder in distress, "No, no, no." "What's wrong with him?" Rogers asked, not rude but just genuinely curious, "Hail what?"  
James could strangle the man right there. 

\- 

Go away.  
_That's not HYDRA. He's on your side, dumbass. Stop._  
He can't be here. They told me that I need to kill him.  
_And how the hell are you gonna do that? 2 super soldiers and your blind self, let me help you._  
Killing is easy. Killing is easy. Hail HYDRA.  
_That's not you. Not me. Stop. HYDRA took us away from our home. They're the bad guys. Let me help you._  
Hail HYDRA.  
_James suffered because of them. Don't._  
James.  
_James. He loves you. You love him. Let him help. Let me help._

James.

**Author's Note:**

> See you soon!


End file.
